Half 2 – An Atheist Checks into Gods Lodge

            In Half 1, I described my experiences visiting my father within the psychological hospital after I was 5 years outdated and my want to assist him and different males like him. I met an iconoclastic physician, Thomas Szasz, after I was in graduate college and skim his e book, The Delusion of Psychological Sickness. Right here I’ll proceed with what I discovered about my father when I discovered journals he had saved through the time main as much as his hospitalization.

            In graduate college I discovered the usual medical view of psychological sickness. The Diagnostic and Statistical Guide of Psychological Problems (DSM) is the handbook utilized by well being care professionals in america and far of the world because the authoritative information to the analysis of psychological issues. DSM accommodates descriptions, signs and different standards for diagnosing psychological issues. It’s revealed by the American Psychiatric Affiliation (APA) and is revised and up to date periodically.

            When my father was hospitalized at Camarillo State Psychological Hospital, the medical doctors instructed my mom he had some form of “psychotic dysfunction.” Within the DSM, I discovered the next data grouped collectively:

             (1) affective issues, characterised by extreme temper disturbance, with related alterations in thought and conduct, in consonance with the have an effect on; (2) schizophrenic reactions, characterised by basic disturbances in actuality relationships and idea formations, with related affective, behavioral, and mental disturbances, marked by a bent to retreat from actuality, by regressive tendencies, by weird conduct, by disturbances in stream of thought, and by formation of delusions and hallucinations; (3) paranoid reactions, characterised by persistent delusions and different proof of the projective mechanism.

            These descriptions touched on my experiences with my father, however appeared chilly, scientific, and one way or the other lacking his spirit. Extra useful had been the journal entries I learn describing his personal experiences on the time.

Here’s a notice from my father’s first journal, written when he was his outdated self, stuffed with confidence and pleasure for all times:

            “A touring troupe is placing on a present not removed from us.  I do know them from earlier occasions after I first got here to New York.  They’re homosexual and thrilling and have a fascinating taste of vacation.  I take a look at Kath and marvel at her sweetness and wonder.  You typically overlook how pretty female youth is.  The cream-like texture of pores and skin, a verve and a buoyancy.  Henry is an ideal sort of firm supervisor.  He has nice huge floppy ears, that inevitable cigar, and a sure softness.  Allure isn’t the unique province of youth.  Henry has it in addition to Kath.

            “I really feel stuffed with confidence in my writing capacity.  I do know for sure that somebody will purchase certainly one of my radio exhibits.  I do know for sure that I’ll get a superb half in a play.  Final evening I dreamt about sweet.  There was extra sweet than I may eat.  Does it imply I’ll be rewarded for all my efforts?  Has it something to do with intercourse?”

            Journal quantity ten was written three years later.  The financial despair of the time and the despair occurring inside his thoughts had come collectively.  His entries are extra terse, staccato, and disheartening. I nonetheless get tears after I really feel how a lot was misplaced in such a short while.

    “June 4th: 

                Your flesh crawls, your scalp wrinkles once you go searching and see good writers, established writers, writers with credit a block lengthy, unable to promote, unable to seek out work,  Sure, it’s sufficient to make anybody, blanch, flip pale and sicken.

    “August fifteenth:

                     Quicker, sooner, sooner, I stroll.  I plug away searching for work, something to help my household.  I strive, strive, strive, strive, strive.  I at all times attempt to by no means cease.

    “November eighth:

                    100 failures, an limitless variety of failures, till now, my confidence, my hope, my perception in myself, has run fully out. Center aged, I stand and gaze forward, numb, confused, and desperately fearful.  Throughout me I see the younger in spirit, the younger in coronary heart, with ten occasions my confidence, twice my youth, ten occasions my fervor, twice my training. 

             I see all of them, an entire military of them, battering on the identical doorways I’m battering, attempting in the identical area I’m attempting.  Sure, on a Sunday morning in early November, my hope and my life stream are each operating desperately low, so low, so stagnant, that I maintain my breath in concern, believing that the darkish, clean curtain is about to descend.

               Six days after his November eighth entry, my father swallowed sleeping capsules and he ended up being dedicated to the psychological hospital the place he was locked up for seven years receiving “remedy” till he escaped and by no means returned.

My Father Finds His Technique to God’s Lodge

            After he escaped from the psychological hospital, my father survived. He proved the medical doctors flawed after they instructed us that he wanted to stay within the hospital longer and the therapies he was getting would treatment his “illness.” He nonetheless had his issues, however they had been higher handled outdoors the “psychological well being” system. I wrote about his journey and mine in my e book, My Distant Dad: Therapeutic the Household Father Wound.

            I discovered about my father’s re-hospitalization from somebody who had learn my first e book, Inside Out: Turning into My Personal Man and despatched me an e-mail.  

“I examine your father in your e book and I do know the place he’s now. He’s at Laguna Honda Hospital in San Francisco.”

            Once I arrived at Laguna Honda for the primary time, I felt a shudder of remembrance from my visits to Camarillo State Hospital so a few years in the past. Laguna Honda additionally regarded like an outdated California mission with stucco partitions and pink tiled roofs. However as soon as inside I knew I used to be in a special world. The partitions had been lined with lovely murals by the artist Glenn Wessels painted in 1934 depicting the 4 parts—Earth, Air, Fireplace, and Water.

Folks had been pleasant and two chickens greeted me as I requested instructions to Clarendon Corridor the place I used to be instructed my father stayed. Sure, chickens in a hospital. This was my first clue that this was not your typical medical middle.

            I requested the individual on the data desk concerning the chickens. “Sure,” she instructed me,

“That’s undoubtedly completely different from what you’ll see in most hospitals.  We really produce other animals as nicely together with rabbits, geese, guinea pigs, and cats that dwell on the bottom and infrequently wander inside.”

            Once I regarded shocked at animals in a hospital, she continued.

“They actually increase the spirits of the sufferers right here. Even those that are withdrawn in their very own world and gained’t discuss to employees appear to return alive when the animals go to.”

            I discovered that the animals have an extended historical past at Laguna Honda which first opened in 1867 as an almshouse for the Gold Rush pioneers, at the very least those who didn’t strike it wealthy. The almshouse grew its personal meals and had livestock on the 87-acre advanced. The hospital had modified through the years, however the animals had been nonetheless there.

            Clarendon Corridor, in-built 1908, was one of many first hospital buildings constructed after the 1906 earthquake and the hospital grew round it. Mayor James, “Sunny Jim,” Rolph officiated on the groundbreaking of the Spanish-Revival model buildings that might turn out to be Laguna Honda Hospital in 1924. Designed by John Reid Jr, the constructing options eight “Florence Nightengale”-style wings every ending with round bays, tile roofs, and an interior courtyard.

            I met my father in Clarendon Corridor and I used to be directed to the well-lit customer’s room. My dad received up and walked in direction of me. He had a smile on his face and gave me a hug. I used to be shocked. He had by no means hugged me since I used to be a baby. His embrace was robust, but mild. “I’m so glad you got here,” he instructed me with a powerful feeling of heat and welcome in his voice. I felt eager for the primary time since I used to be 5 years outdated, however I held again. I needed to see extra earlier than I received my hopes too excessive.

            He requested about my household and I instructed him about Carlin, our marriage in 1980, my two youngsters, Jemal and Angela, from my first marriage, and Carlin’s three sons, Dane, Evan, and Aaron. I requested about his life at Laguna Honda.

“I’ve been right here for 5 years,” he instructed me. “And I’ll be comfortable to spend the remainder of my life right here.”

            I used to be shocked.

“You escaped from Camarillo State Hospital and stated you’d by no means be locked up in a hospital once more. What occurred?”

            “This place isn’t something like Camarillo,” he instructed me.

“That place actually was like a focus camp. No matter issues I had on the time, simply received worse there. Right here I’m not locked up. The employees respect us and the opposite folks listed below are simply folks like me. I come and go as I please. I normally have breakfast within the morning, I take a bus out in entrance of the hospital and go into downtown San Francisco. I placed on puppet exhibits wherever there are folks. When the children see me coming, they cry out, ‘puppet man, puppet man.’ I make folks comfortable. I come again on the finish of the day feeling like one million {dollars}.”

“Wow, that’s not like all hospital I’ve ever seen.” I instructed him. I used to be starting to know the adjustments I used to be seeing. Perhaps there was hope for an actual reunion.

“Somebody known as it ‘God’s Lodge, and I can’t disagree,” he instructed me. “I’ve by no means been non secular however since I’ve been right here, I really feel like I’ve been touched with the spirit of God. It’s actually the results of being seen, cared for, and revered by the folks right here.”

I discovered that the one that known as Laguna Honda Hospital, “God’s Lodge” was Dr. Victoria Candy who wrote a e book concerning the time she labored there. The e book, God’s Lodge: A Physician, A Hospital, and a Pilgrimage to the Coronary heart of Medication described a brand new means of treating folks with a lineage going again lots of of years.

I met Dr. Candy at a e book signing the place she instructed a little bit of the historical past.

“San Francisco’s Laguna Honda Hospital is the final almshouse within the nation, a descendant of the Hôtel-Dieu (God’s shelter) that cared for the sick within the Center Ages.”

She remembered my father and described the sorts of individuals to ended up checked in to God’s Lodge.

“We get ballet dancers and rock musicians, professors and thieves—anybody who had fallen, or typically, leapt, onto onerous occasions and wanted prolonged medical care—ended up  right here. Within the comparatively low-tech however human-paced setting, these extraordinary sufferers started to rework their world and ours.”

My father had come a great distance from Camarillo State Psychological Hospital and healthcare had, it appeared, gone “again to the longer term,” drawing on historical traditions to create a brand new form of healthcare.

I’ll proceed the story in Half 3. For those who’d like to listen to extra about males’s psychological well being and different vital points, I invite you to hitch our online-community and subscribe to our weekly e-newsletter. It’s free and you may simply unsubscribe in the event you ever discover it now not meets your wants.

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