Half 1

            I think that there are plenty of males studying this, and possibly plenty of females as effectively, who want to know the key. I may tease you with plenty of phrases and on the finish counsel you purchase my e-book, however I think you’d like to listen to it up entrance after which learn the main points later. So right here it’s. The hidden secret for changing into a sexually profitable male is Quiet Confidence (QC).

            Most individuals will probably be stunned. They imagine sexually profitable males are: Film-star good-looking, wealthy, highly effective, sturdy, dominant, high-achieving, persuasive talkers, clever, charismatic, sex-magnets for girls (and males). Many imagine you could possess at the least one among these qualities and often multiple earlier than you may be sexually profitable. I imagine there may be extra to the story and I started studying it at a younger age.

            I’ve been a counselor, coach, and psychotherapist for greater than fifty years and helped 1000’s of women and men learn to turn into profitable of their lives. However I realized the key for sexual success early in my life starting after I was eight years previous. I will probably be eighty this yr and sexual success is completely different for males at completely different ages. However having QC is the magic we are able to start to develop at any age. Right here’s my story. Others could have a distinct story about sexual success. You’ll be able to resolve if mine is useful to you.

            I’m an solely little one and my father left after I was 5 years previous (If you happen to’re concerned about that story, do take a look at My Distant Dad: Therapeutic the Household Father Wound. With my dad gone, my mom needed to search work exterior the house and I realized to handle myself. I spent plenty of time exterior, largely climbing no matter bushes I may discover. My frightened mom would name me right down to dinner however by no means discouraged my self-confidence.  

            My one shut good friend was Caroline (her dad and mom known as her Sissy since she was the youngest of the three daughters). She was additionally impartial and adventurous and it was Sissy who launched me to intercourse once we had been eight years previous. Once we ultimately obtained caught, my mom tried to calm Caroline’s mom by telling her we had been solely “taking part in physician” and analyzing one another’s genitals. However the fact was that although we had been each curious, it was Sissy who took the lead and our intercourse play had nothing to do with taking part in physician. Our intercourse play was actual and we each obtained our first style of Quiet Confidence.

            What I realized at age 8 from Sissy about QC:

1. Females are as concerned about intercourse as males and possibly have so much to show us.
2. Be playful, respectful, and solely do stuff you each freely select to do.

My subsequent lesson in QC got here after I was twelve years previous when my mom took me to go to my grandmother in Texas. We had been going yearly since I used to be six years previous and I used to be at all times bored since I spent lengthy hours with adults and there have been no children within the neighborhood to play with. However this yr was completely different and my grandmother had organized for me to satisfy another Jewish children my age.

It was a enjoyable night on the Jewish neighborhood heart and we had refreshments, performed video games, and met new folks. I obtained speaking to one of many women named Rachel and when she heard I used to be from California and lived in “North Hollywood,” she noticed me as some sort of movie star (those that know the place I grew up, know that North Hollywood is a good distance from the movie star world of Tinseltown.)

Although there was grownup supervision for this gathering of 12- to 14-year-old children, they left us alone. When Rachel invited me to enter the Rabbi’s workplace, I believed my enjoyable time had ended and I might be subjected to some sort of non secular admonitions in regards to the risks of untimely sexual experimentation.

Rachel’s smile promised one thing extra. She led me by the hand right into a dimly lit workplace. No Rabbi was current, just some pairs of youngsters “making out,” “touching and feeling,” and clearly getting their very own sort of training through sexual experimentation. I used to be ecstatic.

What I realized at age 12 from Rachel about QC:

1. Caring adults and communities can prepare for younger adolescents to come back collectively (pun meant) in protected locations.
2. Intercourse-positive adults enable girls and boys to develop intercourse optimistic attitudes and practices and acquire confidence by doing what comes naturally.

My subsequent lesson in developed QC I realized from Julia after I was 15 ½.

Rising up in southern California the place teenagers went to play within the summertime was the neighborhood swimming pool. It was a fantastic place to see one another with little clothes to cover our attributes. Playful touching was inspired and what went on beneath the water was…effectively, you possibly can think about.

Plenty of boys needed to play with Julia. She was tremendous cute and I didn’t suppose I had an opportunity to get to the touch her. She appeared approach out of my league. She was a budding magnificence and I used to be a brief nerdy child with an enormous nostril. However I labored up sufficient braveness to speak to her. She informed me she appreciated that I didn’t attempt to seize her, however clearly was concerned about her. She inspired me to be extra assertive with women I appreciated and by the tip of the summer time, I invited her on a date, having simply gotten my learners allow and will borrow my dad or mum’s automobile.

Within the privateness of our personal room, i.e. my dad or mum’s automobile, we shared our first, “going all the way in which,” sexual expertise.

What I realized at age 15 1/2 from Julia about QC:

1. Don’t seize. Be respectful. Be assertive.
2. Don’t assume anybody you’re concerned about is out of your league. It might take till the tip of the summer time (or for much longer) earlier than you imagine it, however don’t surrender.

Turning into Quietly Assured doesn’t assure success in all elements of our lives. I married my school sweetheart after I was 23 and she or he was 19. We had been married for ten years and had two fantastic youngsters. However like many {couples} who married younger, we grew aside and ultimately divorced. I went by way of a tough interval and felt deeply wounded in physique, thoughts, and spirit.

After I was thirty-three I realized one other lesson about Quiet Confidence from my good friend Steve. I had gotten very sick after my divorce and all through my life after I was sick, there was a lady there to handle me. First, my mom, later a spouse, however now there was nobody. It by no means occurred to me to name one other man and ask for nurturing and care, however in desperation I known as Steve.

He got here proper over, sat with me, and spent per week coming usually to nurse me again to well being. He made soup for me, cleaned up my condominium, and even gave me a therapeutic massage. I had by no means been touched by one other man since my father held me after I was a baby. Simply figuring out that I used to be not reliant on ladies to look after me, opened an entire new world for me.

What I realized at age 33 from Steve about QC:

1. Males should not solely able to nurturing different males, however important to our long-term well-being.
2. Understanding that males aren’t depending on ladies for his or her well being and wellbeing permits males to understand their very own skills to like and look after themselves.

Like many, ultimately met somebody and fell in love once more, however I went by way of one other marriage and divorce (take a look at my web site introduction, “Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor,” to listen to what I realized. My second marriage had turn into more and more dysfunctional and violent and I used to be in peril of doing one thing damaging that I knew I might remorse. After I noticed a discover a few males’s occasion with psychologist, Dr. Herb Goldberg, writer of the e-book, The Hazards of Being Male: Surviving the Fable of Masculine Privilege, I used to be intrigued.

The occasion was highly effective as fifty males got here collectively for a day to listen to from an skilled and extra importantly share our personal experiences about our woundedness as males. Even in a single day we started to open up and belief different males to assist us heal. Following the occasion, one of many organizers invited these attending who had been concerned about forming a males’s group to satisfy at his dwelling in Mill Valley.

The Males’s group that shaped has been assembly usually for 44 years. We now have turn into a household of brothers from different moms. Through the years, three members have dropped out, three have been added. Three have died and the remainder of us proceed to satisfy usually. I’m now the eldest of the group. I’ll flip 80 this month.

My spouse, Carlin, says that the explanation she believes now we have had a profitable 44-year marriage is as a result of I’ve been in a males’s group for 45 years. She tells me she appreciates, amongst different issues, my quiet confidence.

What I realized at age 80 from my males’s group about QC:

1. Becoming a member of a males’s group will be the single most vital factor a person can do if he desires to achieve success in life.
2. Studying to understand the presents we may give and obtain from guys in a males’s group offers us confidence we’ll by no means develop discovering our intimate connections solely with ladies.

So, to summarize what I’ve realized about The Hidden Secret For Turning into a Sexually Profitable Male, by growing Quiet Confidence (QC):

1. Females are as concerned about intercourse as males and possibly have so much to show us.
2. Be playful, respectful, and solely do stuff you each freely select to do.
3. Caring adults and communities can prepare for younger adolescents to come back collectively (pun meant) in protected locations.
4. Intercourse optimistic adults enable girls and boys to develop intercourse optimistic attitudes and practices and acquire confidence by doing what comes naturally.
5. Don’t seize. Be respectful. Be assertive.
6. Don’t assume anybody you’re concerned about is out of your league. It might take till the tip of the summer time (or for much longer) earlier than you imagine it.
7. Males should not solely able to nurturing different males, however important to our long-term well-being.
8. Understanding that males aren’t depending on ladies for his or her well being and wellbeing permits males to understand their very own skills to like and look after themselves.
9. Becoming a member of a males’s group will be the single most vital factor a person can do if he desires to achieve success in life.
10. Studying to understand the presents we may give and obtain from guys in a males’s group  offers us confidence we’ll by no means develop discovering our intimate connections solely with ladies.

In Half 2, I’ll inform you extra in regards to the secrets and techniques of sexual success I’ve realized between 8 and 80. If you happen to discovered this text useful, please share it with others. If you happen to’d prefer to learn extra articles like these, please think about subscribing to my free publication.

I’m contemplating providing an on-line workshop for many who want to study extra about “The Hidden Secret of Turning into a Sexually Profitable Man.” In case you are , please drop me an e-mail to Jed@MenAlive.com and put “Sexual Success” within the topic line and I’ll ship you extra particulars (It is going to be open to each women and men).